My eyes are fixated on the clock that’s suspended on the wall, seems like time itself is suspended, every tick and and every tock sends a jolt down my median nerves, making my hands and fingers twitch. Every other day I find myself staring at this wall but never in such a desperate fashion. Today was different, I didn’t want it, I needed it, and he still hasn’t arrived, has something happened? Did he score any? Why won’t he answer his phone?
Suddenly, someone knocks on the door, my hearts starts to race, and the degrading cartilage in my nose makes a funny noise as I start to breathe heavier. He’s finally here, did he bring anyone with him? He better of not brought the fuzz. No, perfect. He walks in and pulls out an “Ochoa”, one eighth and its all for me. My hands are shaky, I want him to take the money and leave as quickly as possible.
Finally, he leaves. I sit back down in front of the wall and the clock, the only witnesses; the only two objects that have seen me do this before. My wife and kids are out, and they don’t have the slightest clue of what goes on while they are gone. I quickly open the little bag and place the blow on a mirror on my table; next to the mirror is a little razor. I start to cut my rails, place them in order, for some odd reason calm has overwhelmed me.
I pull out a 20 dollar bill and roll it up, next I snort the first rail, the white powder instantly absorbs through the mucous membranes in my sinuses. I sit back and taste the “drip” hit the back of my throat. In approximately 15 minutes it hits me, the levels of my neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine start to rise in my nucleus accumbens also known as the pleasure centre.
I start feeling pretty hyper, I want to do things, my heart is racing. I’ve been hypertensive for the past 13 years, but nothing has happened to me before, most likely because I’m not like everyone else. I can handle this a lot better.
I sit in a stupor for the past hour, I can’t seem to keep my mouth hydrated enough and my jaw looks like an old typewriter when you come to the end of a line. Suddenly it hits me, I feel a terrible sensation in my chest, I fall to my knees with my hand trying to clinch my heart through my skin. Im having trouble breathing and I can’t stop sweating. I try to dial my sons number, but the pain is overwhelming. I start to go in to a cardiogenic shock, my heart cant produce enough energy to pump oxygenated blood to the tissues throughout my body. This is the end, I close my eyes, the faces of my family members race through my mind, what will they think of me when the see my like this? I start to pray, please Lord give me one more chance, to see my children grow up, to hold and kiss my wife again, please God one last….