Almost a year ago, Love Guru answered questions from love struck readers. Here is a second installment.
Question: I’m a twenty-four year old girl who lives on Long Island, New York. My boyfriend is the same age as me. He was living with his mother when I met him. Out of pity, I allowed him to move in with me. I thought he was redeemable. I pick up after him. I cook for him. I wash his clothes. And I still play my role as a girlfriend. May I say that I do my thing very well. Yet, he has the audacity to tell me that he is tired of me sounding like his mother. Why do men want to eat their cake and still have it? – Nikky in New York.
Love Guru: First and foremost, your boyfriend has no cake. He is eating your cake and is mad that you are not replacing it fast enough. Were you ever in his room when he was living with his mother? I bet you, he was sloppy. And his mother was on his case about that. Well, it has not been long he was in that situation. So, you can understand why you irritate him when you nag him like his mother. You wrote that you pick up after him, cook for him and wash his clothes. Does he appreciate that? Does he say thank you? If he does, then, that is your reward. If he doesn’t, you should stop rendering those services immediately. Instead, get him a maid. Remember that men want their girlfriends to be freaky and not like their mothers. Try to be freaky and less motherly. When he gets a job and an apartment of his own and is ready to get married, then he will be ready to appreciate a girl that acts and sounds like his mother. Until then, keep your cake.
Question: I met this girl just six months ago. We are still getting to know each other. The other day, she said to me that yellow pus were coming out of her private part. I felt like it was too much information. It has made me feel less enthusiastic about pursuing the relationship. Am I overreacting? Frank in Florida.
Love Guru: The fact that you used the ancient phrase ‘private part’ instead of calling it its real name tells me you are a stuck up dude. Relax. Leave your zipper open sometimes. Once in a while, wear a flip flop on one leg and a shoe on the other and walk out there. You’re on this earth once, you know. There is no prize given to guys who never used the word vagina. Back to your question- I think what your girlfriend did was to inoculate you with the most classic contraception. In fact, she is the abstinence-only kind of girl. What a bad medicine she gave you. It worked. Didn’t it? Your penis that was all excited shrank. Didn’t it? It recoiled to its natural coin seize. She got you fooled. If you were smart, you should have volunteered to use your mouth to extract the yellow pus(the right word here is suck but I want to spare you of any nasty taste in the mouth because you seem to be that kind of guy who overreact). If you had done that, you would be having a blissful romance now and not sitting there waiting for the Love Guru to answer your email. Wise up, guy.
Question: Why do guys like bad girls? I am a decent girl with a good job and great promise. But all the guys I like are interested in bad girls. I do not have it in me to be bad. But I am daily tempted to if that is the only way. Should I turn bad to get my guy? – Jane in Seattle, Washington.
Love Guru: Stop writing me with different names, Whitney Houston. Stop it. Ok?
Now, let me explain this once and for all. Guys do not like bad girls. They like girls who say yes. That is it. It doesn’t matter if you are decent and with a good job and good looks. Just say yes and he will be yours. Can you say that? Can you? While you’re at it, try to be a little freaky. It doesn’t hurt? Does it? I have never heard of any girl rushed to the emergency room because she was a little freaky. Have you? Don’t just paint your lips and wait for prince charming to come and lift you into the cloud. Paint your nipples and watch your eyelids lift you into his muscular arms. Do something new. Don’t just sit there and smile at the rising sun. Flaunt what your mama gave you. You got my drift? Good. So walk out there and tell yourself you are a bad girl too. If things work out, send me a mail with the web site where I can watch the tape. If things do not work out, wait for six months before you write me again. I am kind of busy sorting out Bobby Brown.
If you have love questions for Love Guru please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org