Relationships are supposed to be beautiful. They are supposed to keep you in a happy space but so often things go awfully out of plan. Abusive relationships are a harsh reality troubling men and women all over the world. Getting out of an abusive relationship can be incredibly hard and we are going to try our best in reaching out for help.
Why is it so hard?
People try to cling on to their abusive relationship with the hope that it would get better with time. Also there arises a situation where the victim is in an absolute isolation and heavily dependent on the abuser emotionally and financially. If you were wondering why is it so hard, you have to consider so much more than just the fact that she should leave if abused.
Often an abusive relationship means that the victim has been previous experiences of being abused by her partner. In that case, she starts to think that if she could deal with it so many times, maybe she would continue doing so. But that is far from true which is why we are reaching out for help.
Things to remember for getting out of an abusive relationship
- The person seldom changes: You may hope with all your heart that the person will turn a new leaf. But due to the depth of psychological issues an abuser usually has, it is highly unlikely that he would change. Chances are rather that you would be subject to abuse yet again. You can believe in the change if the abuser admits his wrongs and seeks help willingly instead of putting the blame on others.
- Stop thinking you staying would help the abuser: If anything it would only aggravate his condition as you would be the steady outlet for his outrage. So if you think that you would bear with his problems and heal him in the process, you are hardly in the right track. If change has to happen, let it happen without you getting abused and being with him.
- Don’t be blinded by promises of change: Abusers can even mean their apology for the time being, but their broader goal always is to persuade you to stay by some means. Once you forgive them, it would not be too long before the action repeats itself. So don’t take too kindly to promises, especially if you have seen them break before on multiple occasions.
- Counseling is not always good enough: For an abuser while counseling can be of significant help, it is no guarantee that because he is reaching out for help, he would have fast results. You can see the tell tale signs after some considerable amount of counseling. If you see no change whatsoever do not hope against hope and cling on.
- Eliminate your fears: You have a number of fears in your head and we understand. While getting out of an abusive relationship, people fear about so many things like the partner’s future to her own security. We would say nothing is worth the pain and humiliation. Do not fear the unknown and force yourself into the known hell of abuse you go through. Step out of it.
- Plan your safety: Safety is a genuine concern for women planning to leave their abusive partners. You might be worried what he could do in spite and rightly so. So try to keep some things in mind :
- Know the signs when he loses his mind and resorts to violence or intense rage.
- Have an idea of the areas of the house he has no access to, or those areas where you can keep him out while you call for help.
- Have a code word for your friends and family with which can quickly come to your rescue. Have some important numbers on your speed dial.
- Have the heart to call the emergency number when necessary.
- Have an escape plan: Planning goes a long way in making the process hassle free and more secure for you. For a good escape plan, consider the following:
- Always be prepared to leave in a moment if need be. For instance you can fill up the gas tanks of your car and maybe even leave the garage doors unlocked if need be. Also have a pre packed bag full of your important items.
- Have the emergency numbers like the domestic violence hotline number handy.
- Relocate: After the escape, your priority is to stay clear of the abuser. Move to another part of the town or if possible a new town altogether. If you decide to be brave or have no options of relocating far away make sure you take adequate precautions. Feel free to seek police help if threatened or stalked.
Domestic violence shelter: Remember you have a lot at your disposal from counseling to legal help and you may need all of that. You can initially seek refuge in a domestic violence shelter and start looking for a permanent job during the process.
People help: While it is normal for you to seek isolation, it would not do you much good. Try to be amongst close friends and family and it would do a lot to take your mind off the topic.
Find a hobby: Creativity is a great painkiller. See the number of poets who doused their pain with words or the number of artists who healed their wounds in paintings. Surely if you are engrossed in an extracurricular work it would be a great help for you to stay away from the recent scar of abuse.
We never recommend you to give up on your relationship. But as we discussed already, abusive relationships are going to have very negative and disastrous impacts on you and you cannot help but walk out of it. Getting out of an abusive relationship will hopefully be simpler with the advice we provided you with.