When in the middle of an unpleasant divorce, you may feel like your only hope is that this will all become a distant memory. One that won’t be so painful to recall. Recovery will happen with time. In your haste to move on, be careful that you do not accumulate regrets over how the divorce process unfolded.Here are the top regrets of the divorced, and what you can do to keep yourself from regretting the same.
Not claiming all your marital assets
It may feel puny to argue over silverware or records, and you will need to find a compromise. But in your desire to end your marriage, do not forgo assets that could help you establish yourself in your new life. And that are rightfully yours. This is particularly true if you have children. Claiming the full amount of child benefits will keep you from floundering financially. A divorce lawyer or a mediator can help guide the proceedings, says one Denver family law firm. Choose an experienced lawyer, as they will know how to help families with legalities and sensitive issues in a thoughtful manner.
It is normal to go through stages of depression after a divorce. Such as feelings of self-doubt, guilt that they should have been able to do something to keep the marriage together, etc.
But often newly divorced couples are surprised by depression. Understand that depression is common in divorcing couples and take steps to work through it. Meet up with friends and family and rely on their love and support. Take care of yourself by eating properly and exercising. Setting a routine for yourself can help, too.
Not attuning yourself to your children’s needs
If you have kids with your ex-spouse, the heartbreak of a divorce is shared by the entire family. When you are struggling with your own feelings of overwhelm and sadness, it can be difficult to tune into your children’s emotions. Often, divorcing parents think that having one “talk” about the divorce is sufficient. But many times, kids need continual reassurance of what this new situation means for them.
Children need to feel safety and stability. With this new development, find ways to reassure them that your love for them has not changed. As much as possible, emphasize sticking to regular routines. Give them opportunities to ask you questions about what these new circumstances mean in practical terms. Don’t get frustrated if you feel you have explained it several times already. Hearing reassurances over and over again may be what they need to re-establish that feeling of safety.
Not getting counseling
Counseling is not just for working out marriage issues. You can also get counseling to help you post-divorce. A therapist can provide a safe space for you to work through your issues so that they won’t have the power to affect future relationships. Divorce support groups may also be beneficial to join. Being able to talk with people who have gone through the same situation can give your emotions a boost. It might be tempting to sweep the need for therapists or counseling under the rug. You may want to say that you’re over the heartbreak and that you are ready to move on with your life. But issues that are not properly addressed may rear up in later years. Take the time to fully heal by going to counseling.
Thinking that you can still fix things
Do you indulge in fantasies of getting back together with your ex? Or do you keep thinking of what you could have done to save your marriage? Trying to put your marriage back together after a divorce usually only keeps you stuck in one place; especially if your ex-spouse is ready to let go.
Making it work takes two people. And if your ex-spouse is not in the same headspace as you, now is the time to fully let go.
Article Submitted By Community Writer